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Horrible director Uwe Boll tackles Darfur horrors

November 3, 2009
uwe boll

The sweater, the finger, the director of "Darfur"

Known and disdained for his beyond-bad video game adaptations, director Uwe Boll has decided to use his cinematic powers for good. Which might not work out well, considering how inept he is. Nonetheless, production has wrapped on Boll’s Darfur, a film about the conflict in Sudan starring Edward Furlong and Kristanna Loken of Terminator franchise fame, and also Billy Zane, who I last remember as the villain in Titanic. No, not the iceberg, smartass. The bald dude.

I’m trying not to make fun, because genocide isn’t all that funny — and I’d like to believe that maybe Boll is a talented, sensitive director at heart who got caught up in the easy money that comes with Hollywood hackery — but the trailer is out and I watched it and it contains a spelling error (“existance”). Which is fine, I make typos all the time all over this blog, but that combined with this story from Cinematical about Boll using actual refugees to recreate their own rape experiences? Something tells me even this slow-and-serious change of pace won’t help Boll’s flaccid Rotten Tomatoes ratings.

Peter Hall reports:

Now it would be easy to not take the film seriously given who is involved, but I can attest that there was genuine frustration in Boll’s voice when he talked about tackling the material. However, the credibility he earned by showing a more noble side than one normally sees in his filmography quickly took a nose dive as Boll explained he used actual Darfur refugees in making the film. That sounds no alarms at first, but he further explained that he had actual rape victims in his cast, victims who were asked to re-enact their rape on camera; because that kind of ‘honesty’ was the only way he could capture how dire the situation is.

Right, because the best thing for refugees is to have a B-movie director not only recreate, but reinforce their identity of victimhood. Also, he talks about ‘honesty’ as if he has never seen or heard of a ‘documentary’. Which in all fairness, might be true. Actually, there’s so much wrong with the ‘honesty’ comment (paraphrased, I know) I don’t even want to try to unpack it. Of course, it’s not like Boll can force any actor in his films to do anything against their will, but shit guys, you ever think that maybe he can? I can’t imagine that anybody — Ben Kingsley? Michael Madsen? — was a willing participant in Bloodrayne. Or it’s sequel. Or it’s third installment, currently in production. I’m just saying, I hope you never find yourself on this guy’s casting couch. Who knows what kind of shit movie role he’ll talk you into.

To end, let us count the ways of Boll:

  1. Boll’s highest rated film on Rotten Tomatoes is Blackwoods, clocking in at 11 per cent.
  2. All four of Boll’s video game-based movies appear on IMDb’s Bottom 100 list.
  3. Boll’s average IMDb rating is 2.44 (on a scale of 10).
  4. Boll is a multiple Razzie-winner, Worst Director natch.
  5. Boll challenged his worst critics to  “put up or shut up” boxing matches.
  6. And he plans to use those boxing matches as scenes in a future movie. (You believe me now?)



2 Comments leave one →
  1. Simon permalink*
    November 3, 2009 5:04 pm

    That’s what Uew Boll looks like?? He totally is the love child of Brett Favre and Mark Wahlberg.

    I’m not even going to comment on the movie. It’s too touchy a topic to make smart ass remarks about until I actually see how bad it is, or at least read some first hand experiences.

  2. November 3, 2009 6:17 pm

    Darfur will probably be the first Uwe Boll film I watch, in part because it features journalists with gun shooting skillz, but mostly because the 13-year-old girl in me remains loyal to Billy Zane, who’s been decidedly MIA since Titanic. Perhaps this is his epic comeback film? Blood Diamond did wonders for Leo…

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